If you are travelling abroad or going abroad to live, beware: don’t fall in love unless you have a solid job. Don’t let chance or luck fool you – you will rue the consequences, my friend. You need an income of at least £18,600 to be allowed to bring your foreign (non-EU) spouse to live in the UK. If you have kids, you’ll need around another £2000 per child.

The Bard of Glastonbury is among those affected – he has an American wife (what was he thinking?).

Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

This week’s news: on Mars, Shane Warne is elected President. Meanwhile, here on planet Earth, UK politicians decided not to take up a suggestion that could save the taxpayer £80,000 a year. They decided to continue the age-old tradition of recording legislation on vellum (calfskin parchment). So I’ve written a song about it….

I think every vegetarian gets sick at some point of having to justify their choice – so here is a justification in three rock ‘n roll verses.

What with the EU referendum possibly coming up this year and the whole debate on EU membership a constant background hiss, I have realised that what we need to create a sense of European unity is a good old anthem to stir the emotions. A few years ago I wrote a version of what I hoped in time would replace “Ode to Joy” – but obviously not enough people got to hear it in those pre-online music days . Never mind – here is my anthem, in eleven languages. Sing along with it and see if you can get your fellow citizens to join in with you.