‘Tis the season of good cheer and good will, folks, so here is another tongue-in-cheek offering from the Chuckmeister.
You will have all heard about our Prime Minister’s choice of lounging, ‘at-home’ wear while being interviewed by the quality press – leather trousers. And why not? So they cost nearly a thousand quid – so what? A woman’s got a right to flaunt it, right? A man doesn’t. That’s double standards for you. Just kidding – I don’t care either way. I just find it amazing that anyone cares.
The story’s here: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/dec/06/theresa-may-sidesteps-question-about-995-pound-leather-trousers
(I hope that gives me the right to use the Guardian’s photo – if not, I’ll remove it asap)
We all remember the Deepwater Horizon disaster in 2010, don’t we? The biggest oil spill ever? Well, there’s now a thrill-a-minute film about it – and I was deeply insulted not to be asked to write the theme song. I’m so hurt that I haven’t even seen the film yet – but do I need to?
The EU has ordered the Irish government to take a bite out of Apple’s profits – 11 billion euros in taxes the ‘technology giant’ has managed to avoid paying …. somehow. Just forgot, obviously. You’d think the Irish would be overjoyed – how many pints of Guinness can you get for 11 billion euros? Or, more seriously, how many hospital beds would that pay for? Or hospitals?
No – apparently Ireland doesn’t want the money. From now on I’ll never lend an Irishman a penny.
Now our glorious leaders have led us into a glorious future/past, it’s time to take back control of our streets. Sick of all those foreign entities hanging around everywhere, taking over our country? Kick out the stakeboards ….. (not skateboards – they’re ok as long as they’re not used in heavy traffic or to transport pianos).
Thos week’s song concerns slightly freaky Heathrow poster slogan (“Those who live around us are behind us”) in favour of the controversial third runway at Heathrow. A couple of guys altered (some call it “defaced”, others “creatively amended”) the slogan on a couple of posters. Big deal, I hear you say, posters get graffiti-ised all the time, don’t they? Well, yes… but if you have the time and money to institute legal proceedings against the culprit/artist, then you might well do so. These guys, Joe and Larry, were found guilty of criminal damage – of course, they were protesting against the greater potential criminal damage which the third runway would cause…….
All your favourites from the first part of 2016. High and low comedy, satire, protest, all in one album.
The news this week: it was announced that the Chilcot Report into the legality of the 2003 attack on Iraq will be released in July. Only 6 years after the inquiry was launched. Only 13 years after the event. Meanwhile, the war in Afghanistan continues – only 15 years old. For the younger generation, this state of affairs is normality.
President George W Bush was planning to attack Afghanistan. According to an observer at the meeting, when someone told the President that the attack would violate international law, “the president yelled in the narrow conference room, ‘I don’t care what the international lawyers say, we are going to kick some ass.’”
I happened to be passing a real newspaper stand the other day and noticed that the front page carried a story about Boris Johnson (current Mayor of London, MP, future Torymeister?) and what he thought about the UK leaving the EU. According to Boris, Cameron went to Brussels to get a deal and got “two-thirds of diddly squat.” So I thought about it some more, especially the phrase “diddly squat”….. and the result is plainly for your ears only, dear listener.
I was watching the telly the other evening when I saw a comedian do a little routine about German people and he just couldn’t resist dragging out a few stereotypes. You know what they are, don’t you? Harking back to the war, mainly – the war that ended over 70 years ago. I then realised that I’ve been getting tired of this lazy wartime stereotyping for quite a while.
By the way, the picture shows the England football team giving the Nazi salute at a 1938 friendly versus Germany in Berlin.
According to some sources, loads of foreign nationals are coming to the UK for their health! Good for them – just like in the picture, they can convalesce by swimming in our tropical seas and lazing on the beaches of the English Riviera.
I think some of them might even be living here.